As It All Falls Down An Eclare Story
by degrassi-is-love
Summary: a story about how eli and clare's romance continues after the events at the night in vegas dance, I'm going to try to make the characters very true to who they are in the actual show, so it seems realistic
1. Prologue

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

This Story Takes Place Following The Events Of All Falls Down so it is **NOT** based on what actually happens =]

**CLARES POV**

It was exactly one week after it happened. Yet it was in my mind as if it happened only a few minutes ago.

Seeing Eli stabbed was easily one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, even if he was left without one scar. But the only thing that hurt even more then having to witness that, was thinking about the things I had said to

t had happened, I told him I couldn't be with him if he keeps up with the endless violence/ getting involved with these kind of things, and I instantly regretted it. But it wasn't something you can take back within minutes of saying it.

Afterwards he drove me home, my parents being at a charity function and I having no other ride, and although we haden't exactly broken up, there were very few words spoken on that ride. In the hearse I could see the regret and sadness in his beautiful eyes, and I immediatly wanted everything to go back to the way it was before, During the ride, I placed my hand on his and remained silent, not sure of what to say.

And now, here I am at my grandmas house, and i haven't spoken to him since.


	2. Chapter One, Missing You

CLARES POV

I was pretty much useless at my grandmas house, Whether it was her asking me to go shopping, get some ice cream, or go to the local library, I was never up for anything my grandma asked me if I wanted to do, which I felt awful about. I could tell she was hurt/ confused at what exactly she was doing wrong.

I tried to be cheer-full and fun for her, but no matter what, all I could do was sit around and think about him, I was going home in two days, after being here for four already, and Eli still hadn't called or texted me, which made me feel uneasy

Did he assume/decide we were over and meet someone new? Just thinking about the possibility made me feel sick to my stomach.

Or was he waiting for me to call him? What if he thought I was mad at him? I was the one who initiated whatever had gone wrong between us that night after the near-stabbing..

That was it, I couldn't take wondering, not anymore, so that night, after my grandma had already fallen asleep, I decided to finally call him. I slowly dialed his number, and with no idea what to say, I pressed call.

One ring went by. I started to shake, maybe it was a mistake calling, Another ring went by I started to shake even more, almost dangerously. Forget about it, I wasn't ready to talk to him yet, I was about to hang up when he finally picked up

"Clare?" he asked, sounding both happy and hope-full , I breathed a little more easily, now that I sensed, he actually wanted to talk to me.

"Hi...I miss you... a lot" I stuttered, I heard Eli exhale loudly, clearly just as relieved as I was.

"I miss you too Edwards, I would have called but.."

"Me too" I interrupted, knowing he was thinking the exact same thing I was. Suddenly, we were both silent. I suddenly spoke

"I am so, so sorry, you were right, I should have trusted you, that fitz was bad news, about everything, and I do now"

"Clare, this is so you, to apologize, when you didn't do anything, I'm the one who should be apologizing, I almost put you in danger, and it won't happen again...I promise"

I started to tear up, from a combination of how much I missed his voice, and how the images of that night, of his face after the knife had just missed him, were suddenly rushing back.

"It's not important right now" I said. All I wanted right now was to be with him

"When are you coming back" he asked. In a way it sounded more like "please come back" But knowing Eli, he just couldn't swallow his pride. I couldn't handle this anymore

"Tomorrow" I said suddenly, I wanted to be back with him now, I would just have to ask my grandma to take me home two days earlier, she would understand.

His voice brightened, "Call me when you get home, and I'll meet you at the dot, okay?"

I smiled, "okay"

"Clare" he said

"Yes?" I questioned

"Any dreamy guys you met there I need to be worried about?" I laughed, I could almost hear his smirk over the phone

"No one like you, goldworthy"

"Figures, you only have eyes for me Edwards" I laughed, partially at his cockiness, and partially how right he was.

"It's a little too early in my forgiveness to be smug" I teased

"Oh come on, you love it"

I giggled, "Goodnight Eli"

"Night Clare"

I hung up, and finally my stomach had stop hurting so much from missing him, it was like a hole in my heart had just been filled. It was remarkable, and a little scary, how much control he had over me, especially considering my natural independence, but I couldn't stop smiling.

I went right into to bed, to fall asleep, after all, the sooner I fell asleep, the sooner I would be with Eli, and the thought of being able to touch him (not as indecent as that sounded of course) again, in less then 24 hours, made me feel completely weak in my knees.

And I think I like it.


	3. Chapter Two,Love Today

**Just a side note, all my chapters are going to be named after songs that somewhat relate to the chapter, like degrassi =] enjoy! **

ELI'S POV

_"Eli, I can't do this anymore" she whispered, slowly climbing on top of me and sliding off her purity ring, "Teach me what to do" she said seductively as she slowly pressed herself against me, I leaned in and..._

"RINGGGGG" my alarm clock went off, I woke up suddenly, still half way in dream mode, it started to slowly slip away, as much as I tried to hold on to it. But my alarm clock kept ringing, so I finally gave up and woke up. Wow, That was one hell of a dream. If only Clare knew the type of dreams I was having, She'd either hit me or blush, better chance of her hitting me. I knew Clare wanted to save herself until marriage, which I respected, but I was so tempted, the thought of us together like that was electrifying, and it would be hard to restrain myself, but I would have to. Especially after that last kiss we shared, St. Clare let me slip my tongue in her mouth and eagerly slipped hers in mine. I knew her better then anyone, and she wasn't as saintly as she liked everyone to believe, after all I had seen her face after we kissed those both times, she didn't like to admit it to herself, but she was just as eager as I was, the only different was she actually had self disiplance , which I would have to learn.

I finally rolled out of bed, and checked the time, it was 10:30, I checked my phone to see if I had gotten any messages from Clare yet saying she had gotten here, none yet, I thought about how amazing it was going to be to be with her again, a ginmormous smile formed on my face, which was usually replaced by a smirk. Who cares about the amazing dream I just had, when the real clare, is going to hopefully, be in my arms in just a few hours".

CLARES POV

I woke up the next morning at 6:30, much earlier then usual, even though I was an early riser in general, but I had to pack. It would consume less time then waiting until after I asked my grandma. By 7:00 I had everything packed and ready to go. Finally, at 7:15 I heard my grandma walk out of her room and go into the kitchen, I walked in shyly.

She smiled "Good morning sweetie, why are you up so early?"

I got right to the point, "Grandma, would it be alright with you, if I left to go back...today"

She suddenly looked a mixture of concerned and insulted "Well of course,may I ask why?"

" I'm just a little home sick, I am really really sorry, you know I love you and..."

She laughed "It's perfectly fine Clare, might this have anything to do with this boy you were talking to late last night"

I stuttered "you heard me..." I asked

She laughed again "I'm elderly, not deaf, sound travels well in this house, get your stuff ready, we can go in 15 minutes"

I beamed, it was 45 minute drive, in about an hour and a half, I would be face to face with him.


	4. Chapter Three, Come On & Go

Hey! I just wanted to say I hope you're liking my story :] and please feel free to give me suggestions on how to improve! It annoys me so much when I feel fan fictions don't stay true to the characters that are in them, so it doesn't feel like it would actually happen, so I am trying my hardest to make this as realistic as possible!

**P.S One of my reviewers noticed that I mistake in the last chapter, when Eli checked his phone, I meant to say it was only 8:30 and he hadn't gotten any messeges yet, not 10:30, so sorry for the mistake! **

CLARES POV

I was waiting outside while putting all of my belongings in my grandmas car. She was inside talking to my mother on the phone, telling her that I wanted to come home today. Knowing my mother, she would ask hundreds of questions asking what was wrong, why I wanted to go home, considering I usually loved staying with grandma. She wasn't the type to hold me back though, she would surely allow me to come home. Soon my grandma came outside, still on the phone with my mom. She looked slightly concerned but when she saw I was staring at her, she plastered on a bright smile. "Clare, your mother wants to talk to you" she said. I took the phone from her.

"Hi, honey, is everything ok?, why do you want to come home?" my mother asked

"Everything is great mom, I just miss my friends, and you, and dad"

She gulped when I said dad.

"Well that's very sweet, and I would be happy to have you home today, if that is what you want"

"Thanks mom, and yeah, see you in a few hours, love you"

"Love You Too"

I smiled. I was only a few, short hours away from seeing Eli, and my parents, and Alli of course. I wonder why my mom gulped when I mentioned dad though, had things gotten worse when I was gone? I decided I would ask her, how things were doing when I got home, we promised we wouldn't keep things from each other anymore. After my grandma hang up, we both got into the car. It was about a 45 minute drive, and right now it was 8:30, I would get home at about 9:15 or so, I would catch up with my mom for about an hour, so I would be ready to meet Eli at about 10:30. As silly as it sounded, I felt a little nervous, but the thought of his smirk instantly calmed my nerves. Just two hours.

ELI'S POV

It was about 10:00 and I was still waiting around the house for Clare to text me. I put on the tv and flipped through the channels for a bit, I came across twilight on one of the movies channels and I laughed, instantly thinking of clare. I couldn't believe I was seeing clare, or that she actually wanted to see me. After that night I assumed she wouldn't want anything to do with me, which I would understand. It was completely unnecessary for me to put us in that situation, and I realized as soon as school started up again I would have to work hard to get her back, and prove to her things would be different this time. But, somehow she decided she actually wanted to talk to me, and called me herself. I just hope today, we could put what happened behind us. I wanted to go back to being what we were before this all happened, except, more together. I was 99% sure I was ready for a real relationship again, and the 1% that wasn't ready was still willing, because if any one was worth it, it was Clare. Finally, at 10:15, deadhand sounded off, which was my ringtone for text messages, I quickly opened my phone

"I got in early, meet me now :] "

CLARE'S POV

I had raided Darcy's old closet for something to wear,nothing I owned seemed good enough at the time. This killed me though, because I hated being one of those superficial girls who think you need a cute outfit in any situation. After finally deciding on one of her flow-y casual blue dresses and a brown cardigan, I rode my bike over to the dot. My heart was racing in anticipation, what would happen when I saw him, would it be just like before, or would it be different. Was he going to kiss me...or not? Just thinking about it made my heart race after, every time he kissed me, I managed to look possessed after, and in a way, I felt possessed, but in the most controlled way possible. I finally got to the dot, I walked up the sidewalk to the front door, and saw Eli leaning against the wall, looking anxious. I almost stop breathing, he didn't see me yet. I decided this time, I needed to be more gutsy, this time I was going to be the spontaneous one.

So I slowly walked up to him, and he didn't notice me there until I was right in front of him, before he even had time to react to me being there, or to seeing him, I leaned up against him, put my hands in his, and I was the one who kissed him, and within a matter of seconds, he was strongly kissing back.


	5. Chapter Four, Change

Sorry, not that good at all :/ just a filler!

ELI'S POV

I stood against the outside of the dot, trying to look, and act as casual as possible. But I'm sure I looked the exact opposite of casual. I spent hours trying to figure out exactly what to do, I was supposed to act the same as always, or take a few steps forward or back. I checked my watch, it was 10:20, she should be here soon. I looked straight into the distance, until I felt someone walking towards me, I quickly turned my head, to see Clare standing in front of me. At this point, my heart was practically pounding at my chest, before I had time to think of something clever to say, or even to react, she leaned against me, and put her lips on mine.

My mind was completely racing,I was half-expecting her to pull away immediately, this had been the first time she had ever kissed me first, but she stayed put. I put my hands on her waist, pulling her closer to me, at the point I can imagine I was kissing her passionately, she wrapped her arms around my neck and started kissing back just as passionately, but just when I was getting really into it, she quickly pulled away. She smiled, clearly out of breath, but trying as hard as she could to not to appear like she was going to have a heart attack, I could tell.

"Coffee"" she asked with a shy smile

"Well it won't be as fun as standing out here,edwards" I smirked, as she smiled and rolled her eyes"

"You're right, asking me to meet you at the dot, and expecting to go inside? what was I thinking" she laughed

I laughed, it was incredible how well we balanced each other, I took her hand, knowing it would make her blush and sighed jokingly

"If you insist"

CLARES POV

I smiled looking at Eli at the counter ordering us coffee, things were finally back to the way it should be, back before that night. Which was perfect, when we returned back to school in a few days, I just wanted things to be calmer. Hopefully the drama would pause. Hopefully the break was exactly what Degrassi needed after Vegas Night, then maybe things would return back to how they always were. Principal Simpson promised big changes, but we were yet to hear anything about these changes actually being put into action, so we had nothing to worry about it. Eli returned to the table with two coffees and sat down.

"What have you been up to this break?" I asked

"Nothing important, just hung out with Adam for most of the days, vented to him about how much I screwed up with you, pretty sure he's on hearing your name overload" He smirked, and took a sip of his coffee

I smiled, If only I had been a fly on the wall during those conversations

" Has Adam heard anything from his mom on what is going on at the school?"

He raised his eyebrows "You didn't hear? they are in the process of turning into a nunnery, although I'm sure you wouldn't mind that...""

I hit him and laughed "Seriously Eli" He laughed "Adam said his mom is keeping quiet for the most part, they are supposedly creating tons of strict rules, and *he cleared his throat* I heard something about uniforms, he said, looking down, his expression a mixture of grief and anger.

I would have thought he was kidding if it wasn't for his face, There are some things that just don't mix, Eli and uniforms, were definitely one of them. Unless that uniform happened to consist of bleached jeans and black.

"Wait, you're kidding right" I asked, Degrassi would decide on going with uniforms the year after I decide to stop wearing on daily. But at least I could deal with, there's no way Eli could though.

"I wish I could say I was" he sighed

I sighed, there goes the chance of everything going back to normal. I sighed, what even was normal anymore


	6. Chapter Five, Happy

OK, Let me just warn you, there isn't any eclare in this chapter, it's all in Clare's POV, And it's about her family issues, but it's a ginormous lead up to what's going to happen soon, and it's a filler, don't worry, we'll be back to eclare in the next chapter :]

CLARES POV

I came home with the dot with a ginormous smile on my face, things were so perfect for once, and I wasn't going to let the chance of what was going to happen to Degrassi ruin that. Eli and I had told my mom I was meeting Alli, and I'm sure my face was going to be evidence that that wasn't true at all. I walked in, beaming, but I walked in to hear screaming, my heart had stopped, had they...started fighting again? All the happiness I felt suddenly disappeared, I walked in quietly and hid behind a wall, hoping to hear what was going on without them realizing I had gotten home.

"I had told you Helen, I needed a break, by break I didn't mean half of winter vacation, I can't live like this anymore" My dad shouted

"What Was I supposed to do Randell! Clare came home early, do you want her to suspect something is wrong? She's a smart girl, what was she going to think when she saw you weren't living at home"

My heart sinked. I felt tears welling in my eyes, as I held myself, and slowly sinked to the floor against the wall, so much for not keeping things from each other anymore.

"Lying to Clare isn't going to solve anything, she can handle the truth"

I sighed, at least someone was thinking logically

"Just act like everything is okay for a little longer, until we can both talk to her, please" I had never heard my mom sound so desperate

"Fine, but we need to handle this soon, I'll be on the couch" he grumbled

So that was it! They were going to keep me waiting, waiting for the truth, was I supposed to go along with them and PRETEND that everything was fine, that we were living in a perfect world, try to ignore the fact that our family was shattering right before our eyes. How can I sit around, just waiting for them to finally be honest, did they really think I, their daughter, was that naive?

I took a deep breath, getting angry, confronting them about it now, wasn't going to solve anything, I waited five minutes, and then re-opened the door quietly, walked out, and walked back in shutting the door loudly

"Mom, Dad, I'm home" I shouted, trying the hardest not to cry, even though I could feel water forming in my eyes"

My mom came running down the stairs, she was clearly trying to hold back tears too "Hi honey, did you have fun with alli" she smiled, but I could read through her smile, I wonder if she could read through mine

"Yeah, it was great to see her" I smiled, not a completely lie, It was great to see them, it just wasn't a her

She smiled and then hugged me tightly "I'm so happy you're home" she said, her voice muffled, clearly she was just as close to tears as I was

"Maybe we can watch a movie? I think The Notebook is on demand" I asked

She smiled, "I would love that, do you know what I'll go make us some popcorn" she said, rushing off to the kitchen

I tried to smile, this was the most perfect day just a few minutes ago, It's amazing how these things can change in such a short amount of time. But maybe if I kept pretending everything was okay, it would be.


	7. Chapter Six, Mending

This story is skipping to their first day back at school :]

P.S I might stop the story, cause I'm really busy with school work, or I'll just write less frequently..we'll see...haha

CLARE'S POV

I stood in front of the mirror. I was waiting for someone to pitch me and find that I was dreaming. Uniforms. Never had Degrassi ever had uniforms, up until now. The uniform really wasn't that bad, unflattering yes, but not that bad. The problem was that with these uniforms, the whole student body was about to stripped of our individuality. How could they just take it away, just like that? I sighed, I guess it wasn't that much of an issue, compared to other things. My mom walked in.

"Honey, you look so cute" She said with a smile

I smiled, "Thanks mom, can you drive me to school, I don't really want to take the bus?"

"Sure, I thought maybe we could take anyway"

My heart started to race, were we finally going to talk? but why were we doing it without my dad, it seemed a little too casual, I couldn't believe she was going to break it to me this way. Imagine if I didn't know, was she risking me walking into school with tears in my eyes.

We got in the car and I waited for her to talk

She finally spoke up "We never talked about what happened at that school dance of yours"

I was dumbfounded. THIS is what she wanted to talk about?

What could she want to know? "Mom, I thought you got a letter in the mail from the district explaining someone brought a knife and almost put someone's life in danger" I said, trying to stay as emotionless as possible, I didn't want to clue her in to how relevant this was to me. I had never told her, mostly because I left for my grandmas the very next day.

"Yes, I know that, but while we were gone the police called our house, they wanted to question you on what happened, they said you were the only one there at the time, is there anything you're not telling me?" She said, with a concerned look on her face

I sighed, how was I going to explain this, and why had the police called? Was Fitz still in jail? How was I supposed to answer her questions, when I still had so many unanswered

I couldn't explain this, not here, not now

"Can we please talk about this later mom, we will be at school in two minutes" I asked, hoping she hadn't already jumped to any assumptions on what had gone on

"Of course, but just tell me this, are you ok?"

I stuttered "I'm fine mom, I promise I will explain later"

A few minutes later we got to the school. The first thing I saw when we got into the parking lot was a black hearse and a certain boy getting out of it

My mom noticed me smiling at the hearse and spoke up "Who would drive a hearse to school"? She asked, sounded disgusted.

I got out of the car " A psycho"

I waited until my mom pulled out of the parking lot to run and catch up with Eli. He was wearing a red polo and khaki pants, I frowned, he looked miserable.

ELI'S POV

I walked towards the school, all I saw was a pool of red, blue, yellow. I was wearing a freaking polo. I don't do polos, in fact, if you took the exact opposite of who I was and put it in an outfit, it would be this. I sighed, this was going to be a long day.

"Eli" Clare called, running to catch up with me

I smiled, Clare looked so natural in her uniform, she was the type of person who these were made for.

"Don't we look great" I said smirking, and wrapped my arm around with her

She laughed and put her hand around my waist "Someone's especially sarcastic this morning"

"I wasn't being sarcastic about one of us" I said looking into her gorgeous blue eyes

She blushed and looked down "You look good, it's nice to see you in another color besides black" she teased

I smirked and pushed her against the nearest school bus "yeah, does it turn you on?" I teased

She pushed me away and pulled me towards the school " let's get to school"

I sighed mockingly and kept walking, teasing her was almost as fun as kissing her.

We finally got to school, there was a group of clearly angry students surrounding a big sign hung on the front doors. We both gave each other "what on earth is going on?" looks and walked up to read it. In big, black bold letters it read this

DEGRASSI RULES AND REGULATIONS

1. The new dress code must be followed at all times

I.D's must be visible at all times

3. No Public Displays of affection and students will not be allowed alone in classrooms without supervision

The last rule was the one that got me, what was high school without cheesy public displays of affection? I would mock it sarcastically more, if I hadn't been engaging in it myself recently, Clare was looking at the rules shocked, and dropped my hand, clearly she read the last one

"This'll be fun" she said without any emotion

CLARES POV

We walked into the school, as soon as we walked in we saw polices everywhere, the police were doing full-body metal detector tests

"Hey, Hey, It's just my earrings!" I heard someone shout as a police was checking them

I saw Simpson standing awkwardly fixing his tie looking at all the unhappy students, I almost sensed regret in him, and then I saw Mrs. Torres next to him, looking fully satisfied.

I tugged on my uniform uncomfortably, this wasn't a school, this was a prison. I guess if this is what it took to prevent more drama, maybe it was worth it.


	8. Chapter Seven, Love Lockdown

Ok this isn't too dramatic too far, but stay tuned, I'm just trying to lead up to the good stuff, I can't just jump into it, I'm not that kind of writer (:

ELI'S POV

I was sitting in french class. As usual my french teacher was going off about something, and I just wanted the period to end. I had english next, which was easily the highlight of my day. I looked down at my shirt and my pants, I groaned, looking at it never got less painful. I just wanted this nightmare to be over. Finally the bell rang, I ran out of there and walked over to Adam's locker.

"Hey Man, Eli Goldworthy not wearing black, the world must be coming to an end"

"It might as well be" I sighed as we walked to the classroom.

I saw Clare sitting there looking out the window, she looked just as unhappy as I did. I went over to her and gave her a hug from behind when she wasn't looking and then sat down next to her. She looked over and smiled shyly and blushed

"Remember that no PDA rule? You're lucky Mrs. Dawes isn't here yet"

I laughed, "Well we are all alone in a classroom unsupervised, technically, we are already breaking rules, why not break the fun ones"

She smiled and sighed, for a few seconds we just sat there and smiled at each other until someone, but not Mrs. Dawes, voice broke the silence.

CLARE'S POV

walked in to the room, he looked so on edge. I knew these new rules weren't what he wanted, but I guess we had pushed him to it. And behind him, walked in Mrs. Torres, what was she doing here all the time? I turned behind me to look Adam, he was ducking into his seat. He clearly wasn't thrilled to have his mom here so much. I gave him a "what's going on?" look, he just shrugged, turning red as his mom silently scolded him.

finally spoke up "Excuse me, may I please talk to Mr. Goldworthy and in my office now"? I gulped, what could we have possibly done now? Eli and I exchanged a look, although mine was look of panic, and his was a look of don't worry about it. We slowly got out of our seats and followed lead into the hallway. When we got into his office we both sat down.

"Hello, well I hope you had a nice little break, but we never discussed the consequences for lying to me about the stink bomb"

I gasped, I thought the uniforms WERE the consequences, there were more

"Fitz almost stab Eli, and Eli and I are the one who get punished" I declared, and once I did, I instantly regretted it. Wait, did I really just say that?I didn't say things like that, How could I be so stupid? I just talked back to the principal. Eli's eyes slightly widened and he raised his eyebrows , but he didn't look too shocked, I guess if anyone knew I had this in me, it was him.

he quickly touched my hand under the desk, where Mr. Simpson couldn't see, to try to calm me down

looked taken aback by what I said, and so did I. He cleared his throat and said "Mr. Fitzgerald is being handled by the police, and this isn't about him, this about what happened prior to the dance, but I'v decided your punishment will be less of a punishment, and more of something...fun" he said optimistically

Did he just use punishment and fun in the same sentence? I must be missing something.

"Sir, what do you mean?" Eli asked hesitantly, clearly just as confused as I was

"I'v decided you two will join an extracurricular activity and do hours helping out to serve as your punishment"

", I'm already on the yearbook committee" I replied, in the politest way possible, what else could he have in mind?

"I was thinking you could join the Drama Club, they are holding auditions for the spring musical, and we need stage managers"

I breathed a sigh of relief, I had done drama club before, I could definitely handle this, and so could Eli. For a second there , I thought he was going to suggest I buy a new pair of pom poms and join the power squad.

I spoke up " Thank you Sir, That sounds reasonable, We're so, so sorry"

He nodded, and walked out of the office.

I looked at Eli, he didn't seem to mind to much either,. After all stage managing together could be fun, it definitely won't be worse then the disaster of me working on a production last time *I shuddered at the memories of what went on with me and Declan*

I thought about me and Eli alone together backstage, in the dark, with all the actors on stage, and just the two of us there...I felt a shock of electricity shoot through my heart. I instantly stopped myself before I let that fantasy go any further, I looked down at my purity ring, and snapped myself out of it. After what had happened with my sister,what was now happening with my mom and dad, one of us had to be the innocent, responsible one. *Just why did it always have to be me*


	9. Chapter Eight,Halo

**sorry I haven't posted in so long, I'v been really uninspired and busy with school, hope this makes up for it (:**

ELI'S POV

Clare, Adam and I sat our usual lunch table, observing what was going on around us. Everyone looked miserable, even at high school standards. Everyone was sitting 10 feet apart from each other and acting like quiet saints, because there was security ever, it was insane.

"We're living in a Police State" clare exclaimed, trying not to raise her voice. I sighed, partially at the fact that she was right, and partially at the fact it was my fault. While Holly J and Sav being caught didn't hurt the matter, the security had to be a result of what had happened between Fitz and I. Was I the one who brought the knife? No, but if I had swallowed my stupid pride, it wouldn't have gone to this.

I sighed, "How can school choose to dictate how I express myself" I looked down at myself once more, this wasn't me. Looking at what I was wearing made me feel sick, it was...unreal. I felt like I was in prison just wearing this, I felt captivated.

CLARE'S POV

Later that day, I rode my bike home, and opened the door to find my parents doing what else, screaming at each other.

"THAT'S IT...THAT'S IT" my dad screamed, charging out of the living room, not noticing I had walked in. My mother had tears in her eyes

"Mom...what happened" I asked helplessly, she immediately jumped, clearly not noticing I was there, she wiped the tears from her eyes, and laughed nervously,

"Oh nothing sweetie, just a little disagreement"

Suddenly I felt like I was about to explode, how stupid did she think I was? I knew exactly what was going on, did she honestly think I was that naive. But I had to hold it in,.

"Mom, you're crying, what are you fighting about?" I asked, more demanding then I had ever been in my life.

"Oh Clare, you're too young to worry about this, just go do something fun" she stated, smiling the fakest smile I had ever seen.

Too young? Too young? I was too young to know about my own family crumbling into pieces. Please. My own sister had been having sex at this age, she wasn't too young for that, but I was too young to get some simple communication, instead everything needed to be a secret. And I was sick and tired of it. My parents had told me to tell them everything, the complete opposite of what they were doing. They told me countless times, that pure hearts waited until marriage, was this what I was waiting for? I sighed, why was everything so messed up, why couldn't my life ever just be normal, like the way it used to be.

I started walking up the steps into my room. I just sat on my bed and cried, until tears couldn't come out anymore. Downstairs, I heard my mom talking on the phone with my aunt, she was trying to whisper, but with enough effort and silence, I could still hear her. I heard the words Clare and Innocent girl in the same sentence. I sighed. I was sick of that word, innocent. Innocent seemed to be the excuse for blocking me out, everything that ever went wrong, everything that ever prevented me from knowing something, was because I was innocent. What if I wasn't to be innocent anymore, would my parents finally wake up from the illusion that I wasn't 12 anymore. It was as if I was some fragile doll, and I couldn't be broken. Maybe everyone will finally get it, if they see there's more to me then that little girl in the private school uniform who used to just sit there, quietly and innocently.

I walked over to my closet, tomorrow, that uniform wasn't going to be needed.

If my parents were so afraid of breaking me, they were going to have to see that they already have. But my parents weren't the only ones who needed to see a new me, maybe I did too.

*That Night-Clare's Dream*

_We were in the auditorium, just me and Eli. only thing you can hear were the two of our breathes. we were sitting on the stage, I was on top of him breathing heavily, he put his hands on my waist, and that clutched it more tightly, and pulled my body even closer to his, if that was even possible. He crashed his mouth on to mind, and without hesitation stuck his tongue inside my mouth, I did the same. He put his hands in my hair, and pulled at it a little, as his arms slowly started to inch down lower, to my cheeks, to my neck, and then to my shirt, but instead of kept sliding down his hands, he instead slided them under my shirt. And I didn't stop him. He rubbed my back for a little, and then started to hike up the shirt, and then started kissing my bare stomach, He then started reaching up, to the point where he got to my bra, he started to slowly unhook my bra,..._

I woke up suddenly, my heart was racing, and i was out of breath. I felt a mix of energy and confusion. without any idea of what else to do, I hit myself. I couldn't think these thoughts. I didn't even know I was capable of these thoughts, I mean, Declan, but that was different. That was a complete fantasy, and the thoughts never went even this far. But this, felt much realer. I looked at the clock, it was only 2:00 A.M, I lied back in bed, I wanted to go back to sleep, and I wanted that dream to resume, exactly where it left off. I hit myself again, and made myself stare down at my ring. But maybe, it wasn't so horrible to have these thoughts, I promised not to have sex, and I wouldn't, I took an oath of virginity, forget about to my parents, but to jesus...but why did that mean I couldn't be a teenager?


End file.
